I’m starting to get sick, probably from all the stress of the relationship stuff and I’ve been pushing myself to finish up my freelance work. ;_;
My boyfriend and I are doing better, the weekend with our friends was really nice! Just I had a serious case of the doubts Saturday night because we essentially went on a quadruple date with three other married couples… ._.;; But I’m feeling better about it!
I’ve been too busy with freelance to look into a couples therapist, but I have a few to contact this week once I meet my deadline. x_x
Other than that, it will be nice to start drawing for myself again… I really miss it!
Just a quick update because I have so much work to do today and I’m waiting for my soup to heat up.
I’m still looking for a therapist/psychologist for my boyfriend and I. While things have been improving on their own, this is really something I want to rebuild from and make sure I don’t accidentally get all moody and destroy progress. I had to go to the doctor today for a check-up so I got a few referrals to look into today/tonight.
Biggest issue right now between him and myself is he’s ashamed to see the few friends I’ve given full details to. One was the friend I was staying with last week and she’ll be there at sketch group tonight if we choose to go. Another is a friend visiting this weekend and we are close with her and her husband, so it’s hard to have to say that we can’t see them because of this. Both friends have told me they aren’t judging him for it and not to worry on my end, just to focus on working things out. I’m trying to get my boyfriend to just give it a shot, it’s not like that’s all we’re going to talk about but if he or I ever feel uncomfortable then we can leave. He said he’ll think about it.
Otherwise, my appetite and sleep are improving. We are taking steps to just make sure it’s us in the bedroom, so we’re leaving our phones in the kitchen at night. Laptop still hasn’t been cracked cause I honestly can’t remember what I changed it to, so it’s been nice to not have any distractions.
Mostly I’m just trying to find other people to talk with about other things other than this, haha. I can’t wait to get back into ACNL/Neopets/FR once things start to settle down. ;O;
Anyways, thank you again to everyone for your love and support! <3
Doubt is having a fun time today kicking my brain and gut, which is making me want to crawl under my desk and cry.
I know there’s no right answer to my situation but it’s hard for me to endure these mood swings when I’m supposed to be working or drawing. I chickened out calling psychologists today just because I’m so emotional but I’m going to do it tomorrow because if I don’t do it soon - then I never will. :/
I just… need some kind of stability in my life right now.
I’ve placed past stressfest posts on private so I can move them to a separate blog and clean up this one some more.
I will make updates here if I need so, but I plan to just leave them up for a day or so before moving them onto the separate blog. I do write differently when I want other people to see vs just for myself. Plus everyone who has reached out to me have been supportive and it’s great to have people just willing to listen to my side of things and just be there for me and once I’m in a better place I do want to do a followers only art giveaway.
Okay I have to get back to work. Hugs for you all!
I got overwhelmed with letting another friend in on what’s going on and he offered his point of view of the situation since he went through similar. I appreciate what he did but man the doubt that stirred up in me just made me want to get out.
I’m glad I did. I was folding origami stars in a park nearby and was approached by a young girl and her aunt. I tried teaching them how to do it and while helping them, just remaining as calm and as patient with them. I was indirectly telling them that it’s okay to mess up, it’s their first time and it takes lots of practice to get down but most of all to take their time. It was therapeutic for me, making connections of folding the stars to other points of my life.
As we kept practicing, I was opening up to them about my life but I shyly tried to keep my problem to myself. The aunt had to step away for a phone call, and I tried explaining to the young girl, who is 11, my problem.
She interrupted me a few times to point out people passing by or would change the subject, mostly telling me about her aunt’s dog. I knew she couldn’t understand my problem and after a while I stopped trying to talk about it since I started to have doubt rise again. Once her aunt returned, the little girl left to go change and I started to confide in the aunt. Just a general idea of what’s going on, no details. She gave me advice, telling me that I’m young and if I really want this it will work out. Just talk it through and keep working on it.
The young girl returned and asked me to come along with her. She asked me if I could run, I said I could. We ran to some trees. She asked me if I could climb trees, I said it’s been a while but I would try. I couldn’t climb too high since I’m taller than her, but she ended up getting stuck. I did my best to offer to help her get down, but not wanting to cross any physical thresholds I just talked her through it and helped in any way I could. She got down by herself. She asked if I could do cartwheels, that was a flat no from me. She did some for me and gave me advice on how to practice.
Later she started to teach me how to dance. It was embarrassing, she could see I was embarrassed and asked if I wanted to stop - but I told her that I’ll be okay, no one will remember me anyways. I was bad. Really bad. We kept practicing and I got it down.
I had to stop because I got hungry and needed some water. I sat down to eat but got distracted by my phone. She went to talk to her aunt but would check up on me and made sure I ate something. Real life started to come back to me and I felt it was time to go, so I said quick farewells and headed home.
I gave them my number and my email if they wanted to get a hold of me. I also told them I might be at the park again and to come say hi if they see me.
Gosh, I was 11 again for a brief moment. It forced me to remove doubt from my head and to really focus on something different. Just all of the input I’ve received today has put me on edge and I am supposed to talk to my boyfriend soon.
It’s hard for me to really know what is best for myself. This morning I had a general idea on what to talk about tonight, but now I see today might be there is no step forward or backward. The things I wanted to talk about will have to wait until another time, which is a bit frustrating but I have time to think it through.
I’m going to try and get a good cry out, that usually helps me. I just need to stick to my values: breathe, take my time, don’t let anyone dictate how I feel or what to say, and lastly to do what is best for me. I think that last one is what I’ll really have to focus on tonight.
A huge life changing stress bomb just dropped on me today. I’m not sure if I’ll make a post later about it since it’s pretty intense and tmi. I’m going to take a hiatus to clear my head. If anyone wants to talk to me on Skype, feel free to message for my username. I’ll add you tomorrow.
likethestarsabove said: i always want to do neopets RPs but im so self conscious about my writing ability / dumb characters / inability to make good plots ahhhhh
SAME! I used to just be able to dive in and let loose (though my last RPs turned into musicals aka posting song lyrics instead of actual conversation LOL). Now I’m like… how do I do this? what do we do? do we plan ahead? do we just go and see where it takes us? how many characters do we get involved? etc etc.
Like I feel like I put too much backstory and plot ties to each of my Neopets that it seems impossible to roleplay them, but I’m willing to cut back. There are a few I can redesign, might get rid of a couple of side account pets that just are blah to me.
Being back on Neopets and even Flight Rising has really piqued my interest! I at least want to practice writing more cause some day I want to do comics/graphic novels and those usually have characters.
Neighbor’s internet just died (bless it though it lasted for almost eight hours today and I got to binge on movies today while drawing) so that’s why I’m suddenly disappearing instead of rambling on about stuff.
I get internet on Saturday though, can’t wait!
Drew something really cool so I’ll post it whenever I get internet again.
Omg YOU CANT WISH YOU WERE ME YOU’RE TOO FAB ALREADY TO DO THAT. Also baby aisha party? I’VE GOT ONE HALLOWEEN AISHA I STILL NEED TO WORK ON but other than that no baby aisha O:!! BUT I’M GAME 4 A LOT. (Isk why zafaras peek my interest now..)
OH HUSH YOU! yeah there’s a tiny part of the tumblr neopet community who created baby aishas and we’re called the baby aisha party and it’s fun to draw the babies interacting with each other. Mewmew is my baby, but imo he’s really boring cause he sleeps a lot but I dunno I might change him??? TOTALLY UP TO YOU baby aishas aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.
otherwise, I literally have like 8-10 pets with very little back story and wouldn’t mind changing them up.
AH NO sorry! D: I’m Stace, a different entity than Jag SORRY! My main tumblr is staceart and I was bothering Jag on that account. Though sometimes I wish I was Jag. ;O; This is my neopets/FR/whatever sideblog account.
leeeeeeeeeeeet’S DO IIIIITTT. after my move in 2 days but YESSSS. i will need to create new babes yes i will
flings head back and lets out loud cackle YES PLEASE DO. I want to pressure you into the baby aisha party but I WON’T cause I don’t want to restrict your creativity. MOSTLY I HAVE A BUNCH OF USELESS PETS that are boring to me so I AM GAME FOR ANYTHING!!! also I should have regular internet in TWO DAYS so we can catch up on skype.
Also this is an invitation to anyone else who might wanna RP neopets or anything else PLEASE I miss making characters and drawing scenes and WRITING.
Also thanks for everyone who took the time to spare me some advice about my future hair cut! Majority of you said pixie and my boyfriend said he was okay with it, but I’m going to consult the stylist before the cut and get their opinion on the matter! :O
I’ll post pictures when I get it cut (probably will be next week)!
Ahh thanks Lou! I tend to over react when strange things happen to my body and trying to self diagnosis myself on the internet didn’t help out at all :U I think the movie must have triggered it cause there were a lot of action scenes and it was hard for me to follow (saw it in IMAX 3D). I had some tea and fell asleep easily but I woke up with a headache (still have a headache now too… -_-).
Just going to take it easy today and sketch out some art projects while cuddling my cats. ;O;
Oh my gosh I experienced my first ocular migraine while watching Edge Of Tomorrow, and when I started reading about it, it seemed harmless… until I read that if it affects only one eye then it could be something worse and now I’m freaking out.
The internet just went down and my phone is slow. I feel like this is the start of some kind of psychedelic horror movie.
Despite all the moving going on, I was able to take the time to update our clan bio! It’s still very much under the works especially since Spirals can be awful at grammar.
The clan will be starting to seek more correspondence (or roleplay as my caretaker calls it) in the future! Next step will be to start updating dragon bios with their origins… With over 70 dragons it might take a while for me to record but any inspiration is welcome!
I’m ashamed to how long it took me to write just a simple profile but I’m going to try and write regularly! Something about FR just makes me want to unleash the teenager RPer in me and dammit I’m going to try and take more advantage of it!!!
Just a few more weeks until I get my computer back and I can draw/RP regularly eee.